If you ever wished to find perfect proof that so little happens here in of particular note, and that we are forced as a result to manufacture our news, as do those acolytes of Jerry Springer?s who sleep with their grandmothers for one night of TV fame, here is one of those instances.
For this week in New Zilland, all eyes are sharply focused on a small town on the wild and wooly west coast where civil strife has erupted between the townsfolk leaving no-one untouched.
It might be hard to imagine what might cause such hullabaloo and heartache in what is an isolated and pretty little town. If I told you that it was over the use of the letter ?H? that such heat was being raised you would guffaw, shrug your shoulders in amazement and simply harrumph in dismissal ? wouldn?t you.
And yet that is what it indeed what the fuss is about. The letter ?H? has raised the ire of all.
Let me attempt to explain.
Maori have a tendency, somewhat strange I will admit, to have a dictionary which is heavily laden around the letter ?W?. A quick perusal of said dictionary would show that it is the most used letter in their language. And you might also find it elucidating to know that written Maori only really began at the beginning of this last century. Much like most other cultures, theirs was spoken tradition.
I am always impressed at meetings I go to where the elaborate formalities of introduction are undertaken, and people will introduce themselves by citing a long list of forbears right back to the very waka their progenitors arrived on. (There goes that w again) A waka being the essential life form of a canoe that bore people from what we now know as Taiwan all through Melanesia and on to New Zilland or Aotearoa as they would call it.
But to make things a tad complex there is a whimsical quality when the letter h is added to the w. So, if you wished to know how to pronounce the name of a Northern town here called Whangarei you will find that old, died in the wool white bigots would called it ?One?garay. More enlightened souls would called it wwhh (as in whimsy) angarei. And then those on the opposite end of fanaticism would simply say Fangarei.
Yes, WH is often pronounced as ?F?. A recent billboard for car rental company proclaimed: ?Whakamaru?Whakatane?Whakamoa?- rent and car from only $25.00 a day so you can visit any whaka?.
Do not be misled dear reader, for this is unquestionably not the most complex aspect of Maori nomenclature. I lived on a street for a while called Ngapipi and believe me it?s tough to find one?s way home when one cannot pronounce, not to mention be embarrassed by, the name of the street in which one lives. (For those who want to know it is simply pronounced Napipi with a silent g as in gnu but a bit more silent. IN fact you could be more unfortunate and live in a small town called Kaukapakapa which is a bit like she sells sea shells along the sea shore but enough of that.
Back to the homely little town in question known since time immemorial or as settlers would have it since Captain Cook, as Wanganui on the Whanganui river.
Our Ministry of Geography proclaimed last week that the town should revert to calling itself Whanganui instead of Wanganui. Me, I was taken aback by the fact that we had a Ministry of Geography for I am well aware that this was a subject that people took instead of Latin and why wouldn?t you. But to create a Ministry out of it as if it were somehow a calling and not an excuse to add more entirely useless bureaucrats to the heavily laden taxpayer bill seemed extreme.
The mayor of Wanganui is no fellow for whimsy. A hard talking right winger is he although curiously as a member of parliament he was known to wear a rather dashing form of eyeliner for many a year. But he has made it clear that he would rather fight another Maori war than allow the name of his town to be perverted with an h. As far as he is concerned it is 10 paces at dawn with dictionaries drawn.
I was once involved in the launch of a French Bakery franchise called La Baguette the advertising for which featured regular South African folk namely scooter, taxi and bus drivers announcing its existence in pidgin French. No sooner were the ads out than an apoplectic letter was received by us, from Alliance Francaise, expressing outrage at our crass use of their shapely tongue. We sent back a letter to them challenging them to a duel at dawn, armed with baguettes. After which we did not hear from them again.
Michael Laws thundered thundered: ?We can only resist ? and prevail?. It?s an H for ?eavens? sake. Not the H Bomb. And how would he look as Micael I ask.
You might think that in some way this represents a fundamental breakdown in race relations in NZ ? a country that prides itself on having restored everything to its original owners even if they did not know they owned it. A few years ago the radio waves were given back as an example. Me, I am happy that if this is an example of racial divide it is one that I believe we might manage to get past in due haste. By next Tuesday I hope.