Copyright 2009
I have forgiven my parents, my husband, and my self; and in these days of awe, I beg us all to forgive each other in order that we may all live peacefully side by side as brothers and sisters?children of Abraham, Sarah and Hagar. As I write these words, I hear the girls singing, ?Ah Salaam Aleikum, Aleikum Ah Salaam. Shalom, Shalom, Aleichem Shalom. May peace begin with me.? At the end, they shout out, May peace begin with us.?
What has helped me through my private Tsunami, as I call it, is the signs from God. My faith has grown ten million fold. I do not need ?religion? in the paradigm that we know it. God talks to me directly by sending me a butterfly who physically sits on my heart as I chant Psalm 145 ? ?God opens His arms and sustains all our needs.?
. Our roots are important, but are not meant to be the root of evil. If we turn the letters around, we get live. How could God want us to kill in His name??? Our roots are in order to strengthen our connectedness, in that our branches can touch and embrace each other. No tree is superior to the other. No tree is the chosen one. We are all Chosen, which just means that we have a choice. Are we going to carry on choosing fear, or are we going to forgive and choose love???????
May we stop listening to our heads and start listening to our hearts, who know the truth. May we let our hearts be our soul?s compass. Love and fear are the two powers that we can choose from. What will you choose this year?
December 2009
I am still busy with my mom?nothing much new besides all the great healing that is happening between us?.cleaning karma big time?.!! I am saying all that I have held in my belly all these years?..and my belly is getting smaller every day ? amazing what we do to our selves?..by the time she goes there will be nothing unsaid between us ? it is very liberating for me and I hope for her too?.
I am taking part in a playbacak theatre class and each week one of us brings a story and four of the participants play it out ? I have learned in groups that when my heart beats loudly in my body ? I need to share?.so I listened to my pounding heart and decided to take teh plunge and share even though I knew it would be difficult ? knew my soul needs teh healing so I shared about teh conversation I had had with my mom the previous day where I confronted her for not protecting me from my dad, when I was child.
I had to choose people to play differant roles so I had one as my mom ? one as me now ? one as me teh child and teh fourth person could choose whatever role the group felt was needed ? they decided that that person would be God overlooking all that was happening?.they did a great job?..as yo can imagine my whole body was shaking?.and the scene that caused me to burst into tears was when the woman play me as a child is begging my mom to see me ? to see what is happening and ?my mom? says leave me alone ? can?t you see I am reading ? I have a migrane ? go to your nanny?..( this was typical )
when they finnshed all I could hear in my heart was Africa Africa and felt such deep appreciation and gratitude to all my nannies who held me on their backs and comforted me through my childhood ? i have no doubt that I am sane, warm and loving today because of my black mothers who I don?t even remember besides a few?.they were in and out of our home very often?..now I can imagine why?..
I have not written a poem since the GAza war and this came to me a few days after the experince?.
I free myself
To be myself
Another layer and another
Not to be the rich man?s daughter
nor the pilot?s wife.
Not the director
nor the protector
of all who I am not
and thought I should be
I free myself
to be myself
Enough blah blah blah ? I am off to sleep ? snending you all happy days for Hanuka ? I once found a magnet that said ? I so not belive in miracles ? I rely on them?..wishing you all many wonderful miracles and much light and love?.